Poking a bit of fun at the structure of every single musical ever made, here is the end of act one
AL
Well, folks, that’s it for this part, but before we go, there one crucial thing we need to do at this point in the show.
CHARLEY
Run for the restrooms as fast as you can
AL
No!
CHARLEY
No? Sorry, folks, they’re all closed for cleaning tonight.
AL
Theater owners must hate you. That’s not what I mean.
CHARLEY
Too late, some of them are already in the lobby in a state of panic. All right then, what’s your impotent message?
AL
You mean important.
CHARLEY
Do I?
AL
Stop it. They need to know that we’ll be back for more before we leave, and we want to give them something rousing to go out on to get them to stick around for more.
CHARLEY
Oh. You mean the OBTDB
AL
That’s right. The Obligatory Big Time Dance Bit. Every show has one, and it always comes right here.
CHARLEY
Sounds a bit manipulative. Who writes these things anyway?
AL
Playwrights.
(They doff their hats and bow their heads as a bright light comes from high in the fly loft, accompanied by angelic music.)
CHARLEY
(To the audience) Wow, that’s one big ego!
AL
You just love this playing with the fourth wall thing, don’t you?
CHARLEY
It’s a hobby
AL
So, any other words of wit and wisdom?
CHARLEY
Just a string of numbers
AL
Numbers?
CHARLEY
Yip. 1,2,3,4
(Band kicks in as Charley snaps his finger and moves down center.)
Works like magic, don’t it.
THE OBLIGATORY BIG TIME DANCE BIT (CHARLEY, AL, CAST)
CHARLEY
There comes a time in everyone’s life
When you find yourself stuck in toil and strife
The best thing to do is kick up your heels
And dance
(TAP)
So if you find you’re way down in the dumps
Don’t wallow in the pitty, with all the other chumps
Just pick yourself up, kick up your heels
And dance.
(TAP)
And if you can’t dance, still close your eyes
And in your imagination, you’ll be
pleasantly surprised
To see yourself in motion, as you might have surmised
Never mind your circumstance don’t need to compromise
So just relax and nod your head
And well do the fancy stuff instead
You paid a pretty penny; that’s a lot of bread
So just sit tight and enjoy the night and the
Obligatory Big Time Dance bit
The big impressive number that just won’t quit
To make it to the end, you’ve got to really be fit
So I’ll be in the wings with an oxygen mask
It makes me wish that it was just a comedy skit
but you’ve got to keep it up to make the show a hit
Do you wonder how I sing as well, I have to admit,
I’m starting to wonder myself.
(BIG TAP BREAK)
AL
So I’ll just stand here and wave my arms
And watch you keep it up and doing bodily harm
But even I admit that I am getting alarmed
And I just might have too…
Oh, who am I kidding…
(JUMPS IN WITH HIS OWN TAP )
The routine involves the Dragoons stomping along with the tap while sitting on their riser.
CHARLEY
It’s the Obligatory Big Time Dance bit
The big impressive number that just won’t quit
The way you know a show like this is really legit
And it’s time to bring the rest of the cast in now
CAST
It’s the Obligatory Big Time Dance bit
The big impressive number that just won’t quit
But now that it is over, you know it’s time to split
But hurry back, we’ve got an act two.
(Cast freezes, Charly falls backward, Lights out, curtain down, house lights up)